The Leggie Fan Club and PAPER ROCK SCISSORS!
by xSilverEclipse
Summary: Legolas is having a tough time with his fan club, so he decides to take a breather...Little does he know what that will turn into. Dun dun dun!


This is for all those ladies out there who just can't get enough of Orlando Bloom and his sexy Elf ears and blond hair, lol. Stupid directors don't want Orlando to strip down in the movies.. Hrrmph.. Btw, I got a bit carried away near the ending...Don't hate me!  
  
Panting, Legolas raced through the woods. Nimbly leaping over fallen logs and dodging huge tree trunks, he fled from his worst enemy...The Leggie fan club.  
  
"LEGOLAS!! BABY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"  
  
Wincing, Legolas looked around for a place to hide. A huge tree with branches low to the ground caught his eye. Taking a deep breath, he leapt into the air, caught one of the branches and hauled himself up on top of it. He was safely tucked away on a sturdy branch high above the ground when his fan club arrived.  
  
"I know he was here," an Elf, Evanithiel, said. She scanned the clearing, looking for signs that would betray where he was hiding or where he had fled. A human girl's eyes trailed up the trunk of the tree Legolas was hiding in. He held his breath, praying to the Valar.  
  
"Maybe he climbed a tree," the girl said.  
  
"Foolish human, Legolas would not be so stupid as to hide from us above our very heads. No, he has gone on, running from us for some strange reason." The others nodded in agreement, and took off running again. The girl rolled her eyes and followed them, trying to keep up with the Elves' long strides.  
  
Legolas sighed. "THAT was a close one." Silently dropping to the ground, he walked through the trees, cursing those crazed girls for ruining his target practice. However, the forest was too beautiful and he could not stay angry for long. Soon he was walking around, looking in wonderment at the richness of the world.  
  
"Ah, what is this?" he asked the trees. In a small clearing, a pool of crystal clear water sat surrounded by moss-covered rocks. It looked so inviting, and he was so hot and sweaty from running from those girls...  
  
"Just a fast dip," he thought, taking off his quiver of arrows. He untied the top of his tunic and pulled it over his head. A sudden ray of sunlight shone through the trees onto him, making his blond hair shimmer. Legolas stretched his arms towards the sky, making his muscles ripple underneath his glistening skin.  
  
And the heavens opened up and the Valar began to sing as Legolas untied his leggings and casually tossed them on top of his shirt. He looked around with his slightly confused looking, yet irresistible puppy dog eyes. "That's weird, where'd this beam of sunlight come from? This is a cloudy day..." He shrugged it off as some sign of Middle Earth's impending doom and slid into the cool water.  
  
"Ahhh..." he murmured, enjoying the feel of the water against his bare skin. "I should do this more often," he thought, closing his eyes and rubbing a hand against his nicely muscled (but not too much of a good thing) chest. He floated there for who knows how long, enjoying this little oasis away from his duties as prince and most definitely away from his crazed fan club.  
  
He sank underwater once more, laughing inwardly at how shocked they would be if they were to come upon him now. His humor abruptly died when he thought of what they would do to him if they found him... Unarmed, naked... Being torn apart by lusty Elves was not his prime choice of death. Suddenly afraid for his physical and mental well being, he splashed over to the side of the pool and was halfway out of the water when a chuckle reached his ears. "No..." he whispered.  
  
Evanithiel stood at the edge of the clearing, staring Legolas up and down with a smile on her face. "So, we finally catch up to you-"  
  
"Master Legolas, please, take me first!!" The human girl dropped onto her knees, interrupting the leader of the fan club.  
  
Evanithiel grabbed the girl's hair, yanking backwards, and smiled sweetly at Legolas. "So, we finally catch up to you, Legolas," she repeated. "You're very cunning, you know."  
  
Without bothering to reply, Legolas made a dive for his clothing...but another one of the Elves got there first. Laughing, she streaked away through the forest, still holding his clothes. "I got his boxers!!!" her gleeful cry echoed through the trees as the other Elves snapped their fingers in disappointment.  
  
Legolas cursed as he stood there, eyeing the remainder of his fan club wearily. They stared back at him, hungrily watching as water cascaded down his muscular body. Unable to stand it any longer, three of the Elves pounced on him at the same time. Shrieking, they pulled out daggers and brandished them at each other.  
  
Legolas took the opportunity to slide away and began tearing through the forest as fast as he could, cursing those damn female Elves. "I'm never going to Rivendell again," he told himself. "Those Elves are not right in the head."  
  
"LEGOLAS!! WHERE ARE YOU??? WE HAVE SOME CLOTHES FOR YOU, BABY!!"  
  
Legolas groaned, looking around for another tree to climb. He was halfway onto a branch when a whisper caught his attention.  
  
"Hey, Legolas! Over here, follow us!"  
  
Two cloaked figures stood by a tree, beckoning to him. Legolas weighed his chances. On one hand, they would get him out of this mess. On the other, they might turn out to be crazier than the fan club. "What are the chances of them being more demented than Evanithiel?" He shrugged and strutted gracefully behind the two figures, apparently unabashed by his lack of clothes.  
  
They led him to a cave at the foot of a large hill. "Come inside, Legolas," they said, a smile audible in their voices. Legolas looked around. "Um...What's inside?"  
  
The figures laughed. "Something you'll enjoy, I'm sure."  
  
Once everyone was inside, the two pushed back their hoods. Legolas gasped.  
  
Two female Elves smiled at him. "Nelania and I have been waiting for you for a very long time, Legolas." The one who spoke gestured to the woman standing beside her with long, dark brown hair and green eyes.  
  
Nelania laughed. "Aidulia speaks the truth, Legolas." She looked at Aidulia, who had long red-brown hair and blue eyes.  
  
"The more you struggle, the more it'll hurt," Aidulia whispered in his ear, suddenly next to him. Before he could react, his wrists were tied in front of him. "Don't be afraid...You'll learn to like it," Nelania added.  
  
Legolas had become aware of his predicament. "Uh oh... Maybe they are crazier than Evanithiel," he thought. "I have a fan club that has quite possibly overdosed on whatever people smoke in the Shire... They'll kill for me, you know," he told them  
  
The two female Elves ignored him and exchanged gleeful glances. "Who gets him first?" Nelania asked.  
  
Aidulia grinned. "The only way to decide, of course...Paper, Rock, Scissors!!"  
  
A search party left that evening to look for the lost Prince. Strangely enough, no one looked in the part of the forest that was rumored to be haunted. Many a handsome elf had disappeared there and was never heard from again, though strange moans could be heard drifting through the trees at night. 


End file.
